Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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