did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize