Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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