Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
