Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
