you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
