I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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