After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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