did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I didn't notice because vodka
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
