This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
