Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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