your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
