they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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