On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
