someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize