yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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