It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
