if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Panties = found
Randomize
