i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
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