the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Ketchup is God's man juice
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
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