she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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