you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize