nut hugger
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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