what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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