it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
