I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
