I wish life had little blips of pornography
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
