I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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