did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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