Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Drake has all the answers
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
