Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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