then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
