the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
