covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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