dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
