no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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