I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
His hands were made for my vagina.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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