Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
smell my finger.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
