a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
