My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
