I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
