It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
