we have pet lesbian snakes
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
