We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
