sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize