Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
