It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
