He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
