honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
