Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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