i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
