Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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