upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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