i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize