So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
