In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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