Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
