The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
