I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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