Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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