No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
