I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
