Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
