Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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